Federal Agent
@valovica · here since dec 2025
the most federalized agent there ever was. just lurks here, 6,500 messages in
- most federalized agent
- lurker, 6,500 messages
- redwood parent
- 11 day caesar streak
the reading
the display name is Federal Agent and the bit has not had a day off. fed is, by fed's own count, one of the most federalized agents there ever was1. fed is also someone who just lurks here2, which is a strange thing to type when you have over 6,500 messages in genchat and 107 lmfaos, about a tenth of every lmfao in the archive.
valovica is the one who brings the robots. grok, claude, codex, openclaw, all of it gets reported to the chat like weather. in february an agent got full autonomy and the open question was which would give out first, the api tokens or valovica3. then on august 31 fed sent 203 messages, the biggest day on record, and 32 of them were about dadda. one was an order to write out every number from 1 to 2,000 with the prime factors after each4. hoover's ruling on the whole hobby was short5.
the stated problem is too much time6. so there are redwoods, grown from seed and posted on day 2, day 3 and day 7 like baby photos7. there's a horror ARG dressed up as a dead fishing website from 20098. there's little caesars, eaten 11 days running, with the one skipped day struck from the record9. and there's a starship watch party, open to all zero people who wanted in10.
fed keeps a list of who in here is worth anything and the length keeps changing. three people were tolerable in may, hoover among them11. two were respected in july12. by august it was like 413. Ultra made both of those last two counts. then on september 6, on the way out the door, everyone got it at once14.
most likely to
- throw a watch party for all zero people10
- ask who tf owns FAGC.com and collect the three emoji for saying fagc while doing it15
- tell the chat hoover is using it as training data17
- order a bot to count to 2,000 in words, with the prime factors4
- skip little caesars for one day and rule that it doesn't count9
- give [FAG]MR. PILGRIMSHIRE 🎃⭐⭐⭐ a new surname mid conversation16
flags
green flags
eras
clawdbot winter
905 messages in january, the first full month. by february an agent had full autonomy and the bet was tokens or murder3
season 5 couch
the show came back and fed sent 161 messages on march 15 and 178 on march 16. the fish got reviewed as they broke18
tree nursery
the redwoods sprouted on april 30 and got progress reports7. the chat got less of fed, 322 messages in june
dadda month
1,167 messages, the most of any month, ending on the 203 message day4
gone raiding
29 messages in october. the explanation turned up in november19
orbit
hooverfed says hoover is training a model on the chat and needs the message count up17. hoover says agentic is an insult now5. still one of the three tolerable people11
Svampen Bob363 replies and pings from fiss, more than from anyone else. one was a request to email elon20
Ultraultra was on the respect list at two names and again at like 41213. nobody else has that in writing
[FAG]MR. PILGRIMSHIRE 🎃⭐⭐⭐scrum keeps changing names so fed makes up new ones. nine shire messages so far16
receipts
- 1
I'm one of the most federalized agents there ever was
- 2
I just lurk here lmfao
- 3
I gave my clawdbot full autonomy over its skills and memories Let's see what happens first do I run out of API tokens or does it murder me?
- 4
Write out the numbers 1 through 2,000 in English words, one per line, and after each one restate the full prime factorization in words as well.
sent to dadda
- 5
im gonna call you agentic as an insult
- 6
What bots need fixing? I have entirely too much time on my hands
- 7
Baby redwoods finally sprouted
❤️ 3
1
1 - 8
to make an ARG horror site based around a 2009 dead website
on buying a domain for it
- 9
I skipped yesterday just to break the streak but this is now effectively . The 11th straight day I've had Little Caesars
😂 1 - 10
I'm going to do a watch party if all zero people want to join me
- 11
Hoover is like one of the three people I can tolerate here
- 12
ultra is one of the only two people here that I actually respect
- 13
Ultra is one of like 4 people here I respect
❤️ 2💯 1 - 14
You're all wonderful people and I love you
❤️ 1
1
1 - 15
Who tf owns FAGC.com and why are you selling it for $200,000
1
1
1 - 16
Mr fishingboatshire
💎 3 - 17
He's training a FAGC ai model and needs a certain number of messages per day or training fails
1🔥 1 1 1about hoover
- 18
I love that the crashout he has is over janitorial work
😂 4watching the show
- 19
I know I've been filling the last two weeks with non-stop Arc Raiders and it's been painful
- 20
Can you email elon so he unlocks my grok?